UnTiTLeD

Blogging was part of the important things in my daily life
But nowadays
I hardly blog
Due to incovenience
Due to whatever reasons
Hidden in me

Maybe I've been thinking too much
Or maybe it's just nothing
But when people sensed my negative feeling and mood
There must be a certain reason
Which I don't know what it is
It's very confusing
It's very contradicting

What do you see yourself in your career three years down from here?
I choose not to answer
Because I don't know how it will look like
And I'm not sure too
About things that happen next moment

Yes, you're right
No matter how uncertain the future is
We still need to plan
Even though the plan might not be carried out in the future
If I don't plan
I do not have a goal
To drive me to achieve it
I'll not have a future
Why do I being afraid to plan now?
I sense the fear deep inside me
Feeling insecure

Losing drive?
Losing confident?
What does success mean to me?
Am I an optimistic person?
Throwing so many questions to me
And how am I supposed to answer all in short?

Success?
I can't really find a definition to it now
To my mother
Success means I'm able to provide her a peaceful and happy life
To my job or career?
I don't know what've I achieved so far
Sense of achievement?
I'm wondering what's that all about

Am I chasing for anything now?
I don't even know what am I chasing for now

I still remember
During my LP second weekend
I still remember Scott's words
"If she's going to be the 2nd in self-sabotaging, nobody is going to be the first."
It seems so sarcastic now

Maybe
I need some reassurement
I need something to tell me
Am I contributing to them?
Focus on solutions
Focus on solutions, Yanni!!

I'm doing my very best towards it
As for now
I don't have confident to take over the position yet
Because I think
I'm still very far from what you expect me to be

And Yanni
What you expect youself to be is even higher
A voice from the inner Yanni