Frustration

I'm just so tired to say anything now
a bit frustrated I guess
I'm sorry if my face doesn't look good
I'm sorry if my words sound rude
I'm sorry for whatever it is

I'm just tired now
I want to get some sleep
I'm quite sick of my frustration without reasons now
It's not me

Maybe its hormone effects
I knew it is just an excuse
Let me off
today I'm not in the mood
don't play jargons on me
you'll see fire
I guarantee that

By the time I wake up later
everything will be fine
hormone will balance again
don't worry
I'm asking myself not to worry
I'm not worry at all
What will come comes along


Mummy Daddy grandmo & all my brothers
I miss you all so much




- With love, Yanni -

LoVe KiLLeR

This world is small
I've my reasons for why I say so
Many things that happen to me
eventually
there'll be another person facing the same as me

Love
Love is a word that will kill many people life
including you & me
no matter who you are
but it'll kill to the extend of its importance to you
I said it'll kill me
to the extend that I won't die
but my heart will ache whenever or wherever I come to think of it

Sometimes
I don't know how to spell out my feelings
I don't know how to express myself
when I say I don't know how to say
I really do mean it
I'm sorry I'm just wordiless in the way
Maybe my tears will tell

Maybe it is because the heart that will tell
My eye that will show you my sorrow
but my mouth don't know how to say
my tongue is twisted
I'm not a good story-teller
but I can sing out all my sorrow

That day to AWC
I saw his car before I stepped into center
Suprise but not to shock
Cause he's busy with Advanced staffing matters
I met him finally
the ever 1st time in 2005
I gave him a smile that really from my heart
& we had a warm hug
We talked for a while
a while of about 1 minute
He continued his stuffs & I turned off

Suddenly
my world became quiet
why is it like that
didn't I do a good job
I gave him the smile that I promise its from my heart
but what's wrong again now
Shannon noticed my silence
& begin to bugging all over me
Sorry I don't know how to express

Suddenly at the moment
I just feel to remain as silent as I can
The night
I cried I think
when she told me he went to see his ex
a simple sentence
but can easily breaks me down as well
I don't know how I went into sleep

I know
I realised I'm still not doing a good job
I know all this days
I'm just avoiding & filling myself with all activities
so that I'll keep myself busy to stop think of him
I know my mind isn't do so
give me more time to get rid of him
I want to stand out as confident as I am

My challenge
I challenge myself towards having him staffing in the Advanced
I know it is about breakthrough
to create more value to me & him as well
I can do it

Anthony's determination & confidence impress me
but I guess
there're still some factors that are not similar
To hold or to let go
each will makes us holding back something or more than that
Treasure what we have now

I don't know what's holding him back to commit into a relationship
I even wondering if I can help him to break himself out or not
even if the person is not me
I'll be very happy too

I know myself
once I step into the trap
hard to get myself out of the trap
Cause I'm sinking deeper day by days

Why do human need to be so concentrate to love one & another
I guess
it is because
Love lets us feel the pain & the joyness of life

I want to tell you I love you
I know I can't
Love doesn't really need words
but my heart will tell




- With love, Yanni -

Wow Day @ KeDaH

Friday night depart from Asiaworks
there are about 100 of us
no matter LP82 guests or GLPs
everyone depart with excited mood

Along the trip
I'd a chat with Anthony
Oh this guy is fun and cute
I feel glad that I get to know him better in personal
&
I feel suprise too
that we both face some similar situation in our love relationship
Keep it up Anthony
=)

we reach around 6something in the morning
My back is so ache
whole night din't sleep well
as well as Anthony
Cos' the back seat is like sitting in the roller coaster
sucks
I swear I'll get myself the best seat when go back later
=P

Finally after refresh ourselves & breakfast
We set off to Kampung Padang Salim
oh my god
its Padi field in front of me
a very very nice place
but after the Tsunami
everything looks so different

Shannon & me in a pair
visited 3 houses in the kampung
the families of it are so gratitude to what we brought them
& both of us chit chat and make friends with them

Shannon & me being done with some painting on our face
looks so cute
& my breakthrough also
We bring the kids to Dewan to paint on their faces & hands
it's so fun to play with the kids & bring joys to them
I start to draw on their face one by one
cats flowery batman pirate and etc
I find myself quite a good artist too
kekeke

We prepared lunch for the villagers
and paint the Dewan before we depart from there
everybody say goodbye to us
& the speech of the Ketua Kampung makes me feel touching
Cause' I feel that our effort dint wasted
We do make a difference for them
Although it might not be a big thing
but I can feel the joyness & gratitude from each & everyone of them

Everybody in the trip
Thank you for making a difference in your life too
I realy enjoy the whole trip
though its very tiring
but it's very meaningful
=)
Good job LP 82

Ket another cute guy
nice to meet you

God Bless




- With love, Yanni -

YanniLisM

Individual stand is very individualistic
so no offense
no right or wrong
no bad or worse or worst
whatever it is about is just me
the value of myself
is about how do I value myself
not about anybody else
of cause you can value my value as you judge
but it has nothing to do with me directly
maybe it'll only be valuable after I died
Cause I can't value myself anymore then
It seems to be something make me sad
Cause people can value me only now and then

I think for a while
Why is it call YanniLisM
As an title to my blog that represent me myself
I've so much of my own theory to talk about
which you might agree or angry or disagree
or which you might thinking I'm spouting rubbish

You might be confusing when reading my words
Not about your understanding
Not about my understanding as well
I'm aware that sometimes I did confuse with what I wrote
People who understand will understand
People who don't don't
Different people use different perspective to see things happen in real
Again no right and wrong
Accept for who you are
Accept for who I am
I'm selfish I admit
I care to don't care when I don't care
I acknowledge those who across my life as someone important in my life
I valued it so much as you'll never know

Again
Don't judge me by my look
I might not be who that you seen
YanniLisM
A very distintive personality of myself
You care to don't care
I'm just who I am



- With love, Yanni -

If

Today have a chat with ZhiHong
nay
He keep pijak me FAT FAT & FAT
Of cos
We did have a talk about Amway again

If there's so many IF
why can't we think of the positive side of IF
it's not that we runaway from the negative one
but we should look into bright side

If being a cabin crew is something very cheap
Yeah I heard alots of stories about it
But is it really like that
What is the truth nobody knows except the person herself/himself
If being this line is very cheap occupation
& If I were in this line is discounting my own value
I guess the value I have for myself
is about how much I value myself

If saying I being fly here & there
is very selfish to my family
when they need me
when something happened at home
I admit I'm selfish at the very first
People are selfish when pursuing their dreams
But what if My family will just be as nice as now
& becomes better from now onwards
nobody knows how many IF there can be
The money I earn can support my family though
We no need to be very rich in money
but we'll be rich in our heart


Nobody gets my intention
Who knows about it
I'm just wanna try out for it
Create a possibility for myself
& make it happen
To gain experience & explore it myself
Is it wrong
Is it wrong
Is it wrong
NO

I do what I think is right
YES
I do what I think is right

Yes I know I'm still not qualified
in the sense of appearance &
again I'll work hard towards my goal
Nobody can stops me

I haven't even got the interview yet
But I've heard alots of disturbing voice around me
People who kiasu & kiasi
asking me this & that
The one who are curious now is the one who fear the most now
I GOT YOU

I believe in myself
I can do it If I want to Do I want to
Yes I AM FOR SURE





- With love, Yanni -

MB 84 Guest Event

Just back from Guest Event
So crowded and so many people around
Remind me about my batch of Guest Event
It's so happening
Still can feel the excitement of that day

While I'm seeing many of my batch in LP82 now
But where am I now
I guess I really need to settle it
Not I guess I think Not I think
It is I must handle it
I promise Shannon to settle by Sunday
I'll get it done No matter how
I know I should do something on it
Cos I know I just WANT it so much
that people couldn't understand why even myself

Mummy called me just now
but the line in Hilton is just bad
I couldn't hear clearly
dunno if she get angry with me or not
worry is useless now
Settle it when wake up later

Suddenly get into the serious topic again
I know I'm still putting hope on him
I know the things I want he cant give
and I know the things he want I'm not willing to give
He wants intimacy w/o commitment
but I want commitment relationship
I know I cant get myself to step into it again
It'll be a shit for me I know it
It's not about I mind or not already my dear
It's about I'm doing myself a favour
I think I should learn to love myself too
That's why in ur email I din't respond to the question you asked

I'm avoiding I knew
But 2004
I've get myself out of the shit
2005 I'm not going feed the shit myself again
My new life I'm leading a very nice life now
though still have things that bother me
but never mind
I know I'm able to handle it myself & be responsible

My darling Shannon is right
I know what I want
and I know exactly what you can give and not
I really learnt a lesson
It's a precious lesson for me
But still I miss the time when we were together having fun
like you do

Refer to what I promise to you & myself
We'll just remains as it is
Everything still back to normal
I cont' with my vision & mission 2005
I can do it
this is what I always told myself

Maybe its the confident that matters
I should build up myself to become a better person
as I always want it to be
Nobody is perfect but at least I do my best

I'm just tired by now
Wake up it'll be another sunny & bright day for me
My thinking & mind should stop now
Keep analyzing or thinking the same matter doesn't benefits me

Good night love ya so much darling & baby





- With love, Yanni -

My 2005

Life is about a growing process
where people like us who called HUMAN need go across with
It is also like we entered primary school to secondary
till we graduate from University or college

Life is like a rollarcoaster a song by Ronan Keating
At 1st I don't really understand the meaning
but now I guess I can understand much more better
thru all ups & downs in life
happy & sadness gone thru all the time

Somehow
I feel quite sad for breaking a promise that i made in 2004
I know you'll feel more hurt than me
but please trust me that my heart pain also
I don't wish that to happen too
Sorry is a useless word to say
B'cos its just an excuse
I don't want to give myself excuse
For whatever it is
We promise that we'll still be Friends 4ever

Somehow
I feel happy & gratitude to what i have now
to where my family still with me no matter what
to where my friends still around support me always
to where I still see love around out there
This world is not really COLD
Come & Feel it yourself
B'cos I'm unable describe the feeling to you

To me 2005 is meaningful, bombastic & fantastic
Why I say so
Well It is bcos I manage to cleared all my mess before entered 2005
I cleared my relationship mess
Finally & I did make it happen
To the extend that I tried my best
accept & respect each other stand

I really feel relax & relief after that
I really feel honoured for myself
But no matter what
we'll still supporting each other like we always do
everything will just remains as it is
Well well Guys out there
It doesn't mean that I'm ready for you
bleh

2005 I really makes my life different
I put myself out there to explore & freak out myself 100%
I want to try anything that I've never experience before
Nothing to be afraid about
yeah

Somewhere somehow
people might be thinking of what the hell am I doing
people will think I'm crazy bloody fool around
people might not accept the new me
it might be you, him, her or them
never mind I don't care
even if you think my don't care attitude is selfish
I'm just living the life I want it to be only
live my own life live my life up

So far the 10h-day of 2005
I'm making my life living happily ever after as i want
Though there're still matters that bother
but as long as I handle it well by myself
everything still going on as it suppose to be
I want my following days to be happy as well
Cherish whatever I have now
Be Passionate to my life & people around me

*To Help, Care, Love & Be Loved For Everyone of You* - My 2005 Mission

*Live & Freak Out 100% For Myself As There's No Tomorrow* - My 2005 Vision


Let me tell you what If you don't think you know me - Yanni
Don't TRY to know me
If you really have the INTENTION
&
really WANT to know me
What're you waiting for
ACT before it's too late
&
you'll see the RESULTs soon
This I promise you





- With love, Yanni -